{"id":714,"date":"2007-03-07T09:25:33","date_gmt":"2007-03-07T16:25:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/wp\/?p=714"},"modified":"2007-03-07T09:25:33","modified_gmt":"2007-03-07T16:25:33","slug":"the_book_of_ess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/?p=714","title":{"rendered":"The book of Essjay"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Internet is leak-resistant – it’s the Ziploc bag of collective memory – but there are times when drops of the invaluable nectar are lost. A couple of days ago, after Essjay announced his formal retirement from Wikipedia, the Wikipedia site went through a ritual purging of Essjay’s various “user pages.” Essjay became, at his request, a non-Wikipedian, a ghost. I had grown fond of one of Essjay’s pages, on which he (posing at the time as a scholar of religion) collected various prayers and hymns that he had composed in honor of the online encyclopedia, and I was saddened to see it disappeared. Although Essjay had written the page as a joke, it seemed no less revealing for that (and, to my admittedly sentimental eye, it also seemed to gain a new poignancy in the wake of the scandal<\/a>). I am pleased to report, however, that, thanks to Google’s caching function, I have managed to find an intact copy of what I like to call The Book of Essjay, and I am preserving it here for posterity. (It was – and is – published under the GNU Free Documentation License<\/a>.) What follows is the page in its entirety, though without its many original links, which I was too lazy to copy (hey, I’m only an amateur archaeologist).<\/em><\/p>\n

This page has caused so much trouble since it was first moved out of my userspace. I’m putting it back the way it was, and I implore everyone: Look at it if you like, laugh if you find it funny, but please, don’t take it seriously, either as something to fight against or to fight for. It’s just a funny little parody page. It’s not the Catholic Church of Wikipedia, it’s not a church at all. It’s just User:Essjay\/Wiki.<\/p>\n

Contents<\/b><\/p>\n

1 The Sign of the Wiki<\/p>\n

2 The WikiCreed<\/p>\n

3 The Gloria in Excelsis Wiki<\/p>\n

4 Sanctus<\/p>\n

5 Gloria Jimbo<\/p>\n

6 The Confiteor<\/p>\n

7 Rite of Absolution of Wiki-Sins<\/p>\n

8 WikiSerenity Prayer<\/p>\n

The Sign of the Wiki<\/b><\/p>\n

“In the name of the Jimbo, and of the Admins, and of the Holy NPOV. Amen.”<\/p>\n

The WikiCreed<\/b><\/p>\n

We believe in one Jimbo,<\/p>\n

the Father, the Almighty,<\/p>\n

ruler of Meta and Wikipedia,<\/p>\n

of all that is made, deleted and undeleted.<\/p>\n

We believe in the Admins,<\/p>\n

the many children of the Jimbo,<\/p>\n

eternally begotten of the Jimbo,<\/p>\n

Rollback from Rollback,<\/p>\n

block from block,<\/p>\n

true sysop from true sysop,<\/p>\n

elected, not made,<\/p>\n

of one NPOV with the Jimbo;<\/p>\n

through them all vandals are blocked.<\/p>\n

For us and for our salvation<\/p>\n

they came down from RfA,<\/p>\n

by the power of the Holy NPOV, were born of the Bureaucrats and became sysops.<\/p>\n

For our sake they are trolled by vandals;<\/p>\n

they suffer wikistress and are burned-out.<\/p>\n

After wikibreaks they rise again<\/p>\n

in accordance with the Scriptures;<\/p>\n

they ascend into the Board<\/p>\n

and are seated at the right hand of the Jimbo.<\/p>\n

They will come again in glory to judge the notable and the vanity,<\/p>\n

and their contributions will have no end.<\/p>\n

We believe in the Holy NPOV, the Lord, the giver of life,<\/p>\n

that proceeds from the Jimbo,<\/p>\n

and with the Jimbo and the Admins is worshiped and glorified.<\/p>\n

It speaks through the Wikipedians.<\/p>\n

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Wiki.<\/p>\n

We acknowledge one registration for the tracking of contributions.<\/p>\n

We look for the return of the Missing Wikipedians,<\/p>\n

and the life of the wiki to come. Amen.<\/p>\n

The Gloria in Excelsis Wiki<\/b><\/p>\n

Glory to Jimbo in the highest<\/p>\n

and peace to his editors on Wikipedia.<\/p>\n

Lord Jimbo, Meta’s King,<\/p>\n

almighty Director and Founder,<\/p>\n

we worship you, we give you thanks,<\/p>\n

we praise you for your glory.<\/p>\n

Lord Administrators,<\/p>\n

many children of the Founder,<\/p>\n

Lord Sysops, Lambs of Jimbo,<\/p>\n

you roll back the sins of the world,<\/p>\n

have mercy on us;<\/p>\n

you are seated at the right hand of the Founder,<\/p>\n

receive our prayer.<\/p>\n

For you alone are the Holy Ones,<\/p>\n

you alone are the Lord,<\/p>\n

you alone are the Most High Administrators,<\/p>\n

with the Holy NPOV,<\/p>\n

in the glory of Jimbo the Founder.<\/p>\n

Amen.<\/p>\n

Sanctus<\/b><\/p>\n

Holy, holy, holy,<\/p>\n

Lord Jimbo of power and might;<\/p>\n

Wikipedia and Meta are full of your glory!<\/p>\n

Hosanna in the highest!<\/p>\n

Blessed are they who come in the name of the Jimbo.<\/p>\n

Hosanna in the highest!<\/p>\n

Gloria Jimbo<\/b><\/p>\n

Glory be to the Founder,<\/p>\n

and to the Admins,<\/p>\n

and to the Holy NPOV,<\/p>\n

as it was in the begining,<\/p>\n

is now, and ever shall be,<\/p>\n

Wikipedia without end.<\/p>\n

Amen.<\/p>\n

The Confiteor<\/b><\/p>\n

I confess to Almighty Jimbo,<\/p>\n

and to you my brothers and sisters,<\/p>\n

that I have WikiSinned through my own fault,<\/p>\n

in my thoughts and in my words,<\/p>\n

in what I have done,<\/p>\n

and in what I have failed to do,<\/p>\n

and I ask the blessed Admins, ever vigilant,<\/p>\n

and all the angels and saints,<\/p>\n

and you, my brothers and sisters,<\/p>\n

to pray for me to the Jimbo our Founder.<\/p>\n

May Almighty Jimbo have mercy on us, forgive us our WikiSins, and bring us to a neutral point of view.<\/p>\n

Jimbo, have mercy,<\/p>\n

Admins, have mercy,<\/p>\n

Jimbo, have mercy.<\/p>\n

Rite of Absolution of Wiki-Sins<\/b><\/p>\n

Jimbo, the Father of Wikipedia, through the death and resurrection of Nupedia has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Wiki among us for the forgiveness of WikiSins; through the ministry of the Admins may Jimbo give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your WikiSins in the name of Jimbo, and of the Admins, and of the Holy NPOV.<\/p>\n

WikiSerenity Prayer<\/b><\/p>\n

Almighty Jimbo,<\/p>\n

Grant me the serenity to accept the pages I cannot edit,<\/p>\n

The courage to edit the pages I can,<\/p>\n

And the wisdom to whack the hell out of any troll who gets in my way.<\/p>\n

Amen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Internet is leak-resistant – it’s the Ziploc bag of collective memory – but there are times when drops of the invaluable nectar are lost. A couple of days ago, after Essjay announced his formal retirement from Wikipedia, the Wikipedia site went through a ritual purging of Essjay’s various “user pages.” Essjay became, at his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-714","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/714","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=714"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/714\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=714"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=714"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.roughtype.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=714"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}